By 10 o'clock I'm Back In Bed Fighting The Jury In My Head

It has been a disappointingly long time since I have had anything to write about - and I still don't. I just thought that instead of being alone in my disappointment I would share it with whoever (if there actualy is anyone) reads this.

I have moved house. I was living in a neat little yellow cottage that filled me with inspiration for art and music, and now I am left to rattle around in a large pink house that saps my motivation and makes me feel like things are falling apart. Perhaps it makes me feel this way because the house actually is falling apart. There are holes in walls and the wall paper is peeling off. For the life of me I can't remember why we were inspired to move into this particular house. It has fabulous potential if one wants to work on it, however I am only a tenant and therefore can't start stripping wallpaper and painting doors. I will eventually put some pictures of the house up here for people to look at.

I dropped out of my two classes for this semester (that is, this semester that is now over) and am planning on changing my major to Psychology and my degree to a Bachelor of Social Sciences. I am just waiting on paperwork to be processed. I was speaking with the husband of my science lecturer the other day (whom I know through work) and he passed on that my lecturer missed having me in her class and was sorry to see me drop the course. I miss being in her class - she is a fantastic teacher.

Emotionally things have been difficult for me. The line from 'Blake Says' by Amanda Palmer seems apt lately - "And Blake's been having trouble with his head again. He takes his pills, but never takes his medicine." I've been taking my meds as well as I can remember, but I feel miserable all of the time. I had a really bad time a couple of weeks ago and was wanting to just stop everything, but I feel that I'm pulling back from that and slowly slowly getting back to normal. What is normal, anyways?

I've been getting involved with the Queer Collective at Uni, which I am enjoying doing. I'm meeting some really lovely, thoughtful and intelligent people... and am thinking of becoming involved in the SRC as well. It has been too long a time to sit silently by and watch things happen without saying anything. Fight the Power and Damn the Man. I think that people are going to be surprised when they find out who the Man actually is.

More Love from the SOH

End Music (to a Film) by Radiohead has always been an emotional and inspiring song for me.  It is the reason I have my 'Breathe' tattoo on the inside of my left wrist.  Seeing Amanda finally play it live, and to be able t sit only meters away from her while she excuded such raw energy and passion was astounding.  I wish that A had been there to witness the event so he can understand my obsession with her music.

This taping is the reason that we were so late being allowed into the venue.

Amanda Palmer:  Exit Music (for a Film) by Radiohead from shoottheplayer.com on Vimeo.

And then there is Creep - another Radiohead song that has become a staple.  Nobody does it like AFP - dressed in rufflies with a ukele.

Let Me Try This Again…

I enjoy writing blogs.  I’ve kept a number of them over the years, and I’m sure that if you googled any of the online aliases I’ve held over time that you will find the list I’ve left scattered behind me, like some sort of depraved one-sided litany.  The bastard children of illness and insight, of affliction and awareness.  My attempts at breathing a semblance of meaning into my pain and trying to help it gain a strength for a few sessions of psychological self-flagellation later on.

 

So, I decided to start another blog and she was supposed to be a commentary on things that were happening in society around me… but she told me to fuck off.  So then I tried to make her into a blog about our attempts to find a sperm donor and conceive a child this year, but then she said “You know?..  No.”

 

But now I’m trying to build her into something new.  I’m trying to feed this one on truth and not self-pity and drama.

 

Perhaps I’ll conceive something this year after all.

 

"So this little song is probably...she's one of my best friends of all the songs. And um, she just didn't want to be on any of the records. She was supposed to be on Pele, and then she told me to fuck off. And then she was supposed to be on Choirgirl, sorta kinda, but then she said, 'you know...no.' And then she decided she liked being played live, so I play her a lot."  ~Tori Amos Cooling